Contemplation Series: Worker Bee
So I have a small internal struggle--working for other people. When I try to explain this to people they probably think I'm lazy, unmotivated, or unwilling to accept reality. Maybe its because I was in a creative major in college, but I was never the type that thought about what company I was hoping to work for post-college or the right combination of wording on my resume that would make me sound a certain way to a potential employer. Because hey, I'm a person here, not a piece of paper. I have a hard time buying into office culture--being required to wear a certain range of clothing or forced to sit at a desk all day. I am in no way demeaning everyone in the world who does work in this capacity (especially if its something they truly get enjoyment out of and means something to them) -- so if you hear judgment, you hear me wrong. But, this type of work structure/culture is simply not in my makeup.
And I'll admit, I haven't been in the working world for that long (3 years to be exact) and it's hard to wrap my head around spending the better majority of my day working for something that isn't mine. I feel stripped when I slap a logo on something that I've spent hours slaving over and - at best - my name is scrunched in the gutter. When it's daylight savings, I go into my office in the morning and don't come out until it's dark, what kind of life is that? Who decided that in our culture--working for the best part of the day would be the norm? Back in grade school it was mandatory to have nap time and recreational time--where did that go?
Okay--I should also mention that I went to college to be a graphic designer but have decided that I don't want to do that as a career. I'm not physical or mentally able to work solely on the computer screen without losing my mind. I don't exactly think 2-dimensionally all of the time and am pretty lazy when it comes to formatting text. I'm just not very good at turning other people's concepts in to reality, but who knows, maybe I don't give myself enough credit.
But I do love to work :) My hub thinks I am completely restless -- I always have my hands into something. Thankfully I am going back to school to try to combine my passion with my income. But am I completely crazy, do you understand what I'm saying? Is there anyone out there who loves the 9 to 5? or are you stuck in a rut to pay the bills? Have I just not found a "good" place to work? I'd love to hear your thoughts…
[photos are of my home office]
thoughts 
Reader Comments (50)
I totally see where you are coming from. I've been in the working field for about 1 1/2 years, at a bank no less, and boy do I feel restless. I went from being a fun and creative preschool teacher to a boring customer service representative who helps customers with their banking problems for about 8 hours a day. I am currently working towards a degree in business management and my hubby and I are then moving towards Richmond, va so I can go to VCU for fashion merchandising. The creative field is my territory and sooner or later I would love to be my own boss.
In a day and age where people should be thankful to even have a job, I struggle to get out of bed to get to mine. I admire you for taking your passion further and going back to school. I, myself, LOVE to work, as well. And I love what I received my degree in - interior design. So working for a high-end residential firm should make me happy, right? The 9-5 of it shouldn't matter when you love what you do, but it does matter when you feel uninspired and at a loss for integrity.
I think both sides have their ups and downs. There's a good reason I've never had an office job... I work in the theater, and the endless variety of the work I do keeps me engaged. However, I have no benefits, no retirement plan, and basically have to look for new jobs constantly. I do wonder if there always has to be some trade-off or compromise, or if I will find the perfect balance one day. I've also been in the working world for about 3 years, so I hope I have time still to figure things out.
i can certainly empathize. i thought that after 3.5 years of graduate school for architecture i would certainly be happy being... an architect (intern to be exact). it's just not the case. i feel restless and uneasy most days, questioning what i am contributing to the world and what i am personally getting out of this 9 to 5 job. i loved being in school (and proved there that i in fact do love to work), and i feel that all too often in the creative fields our educational experiences are far too removed from what reality in the working world will bring. i know architecture is most certainly that way. i contemplate daily what my next move will be, at this point being almost certain that it will not be practicing architecture in the capacity which i am now. i, like jamie-marie, am thankful for my job and wouldn't trade places with those out there searching for new jobs out of necessity, but i do know precisely where you're coming from. perhaps we are a generation that unlike our parents will have multiple careers in one lifetime...
daily struggle.
perhaps, hourly struggle?
i'm not doing what i love, but i'm constantly trying to determine what i love enough to do as a job day-in and day-out.
i have learned that some people love working 9-5 jobs. if you're a structured, routine type of person, it is really ideal.
i am not...
I recommend "What Should I do with my life?" by Po Bronson.
Despite the hoaky title, it's really fascinating and not at all a self-help book. It is more a collection of stories of people who struggled with this exact question, and the different answers or ways of answering they came up with.
http://www.amazon.com/What-Should-Do-My-Life/dp/0345485920/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1236175153&sr=8-1
(I am struggling with "what do I wanna be when I grow up?" despite just having plunked $220,000 into a law school degree. I feel SO restless, even when I'm doing good work for the world, since it doesn't seem like it's my "calling.")
i think this is a struggle for many people... there is a saying something like, "when you find something you love, you will never WORK a day in your life!" something like that... i don't know what your future holds, but it sounds like you need your own creative outlet, maybe combining your graphics and photography!! (maybe you have thought of that) many people out there are lucky to be able to do what they love for a living... so it may take time before you will have a steady, healthy income with it, i don't know. last year i made the big decision to quit my architecture job, which i have a degree on... i hated all the work i was doing, when my heart was somewhere else. luckily, i have a husband who stands by my decision, and i now work part time at my church, and the rest i have to create away! i love it... good luck to you!
As you know, I have a similar struggle. When I was working in an office environment, I lived for LUNCH because i needed social time! sure, i had the stability of a salaried paycheck, but it wasn't much and i would never have been able to live on my own making what i was, hence living with my parents. Now that i've moved, i'm working 2 retail jobs in a boutique small business setting, and i enjoy my life a little more. i'm still creative and can use some of that to help the clients and business owners, but i am immersed in a land of social interactions all day... every customer that ventures in is a new person to meet and talk to, and ultimately hopefully help make a smart purchase. my fiance and my 10 year plan is to hopefully own our own little shop or boutique one day, and this experience is so valuable to me. but, we never know. if we move to a larger city in the next couple of years, i may be sucked in to the office designer life once more... and a new experience offers new opinions and challenges. Let's just hope they pay me more than my first "real job" :) good luck whitney, you will be fine. you are taking a big step to make your goals happen, and as i always say "Whitney makes things happen." Plus, with the economy now, maybe it's best to be in school? and emerge into a recovered, thriving world, ready to find whatever type of "perfect" work you desire :)
These are my sentiments exactly! I have a BA in English, and recently finished my MBA only because my company would pay for it. It made me realize what I DON"T want to do- someone else's business. My current job has made me so miserable that I dream of being a stay-at-home-whatever... and that is so not me! I waiver between hating my job and feeling guilty for wanting to leave the stability while others struggle. You are not alone!
I also always struggle with this issue. I have to work to pay my bills, but it seems like I am wasting my life doing things that do not make me happy. Right now I work in a field that I actually enjoy, but I still sit at a desk for most of my day and sometimes it seems so pointless. We only get one life/one chance... why do we have to waste it doing things that do not make us happy? Shouldn't we be out enjoying life to its fullest?!
I feel the same way...I also majored in graphic design in college, I've ended up in the photography field. It seriously pains me mentally to sit behind this desk each day. I can't wait for the day I can do my own thing...run my own business and spend my days doing what I love. I too think people probably assume I'm lazy but it's not that! I just want to live my life to the fullest and spending all day behind a desk (computer screen) makes me restless and unhappy. Thanks for blogging what I've been feeling...good to know I'm not alone!
{ Lindsey }
www.coveiter.com
Ever since I lost my job, I've decided I never want to work for someone else again. I feel selfish about this but once I become a mom they'll be plenty giving of myself to others.
Wow, I almost cried reading this because you've just described me! I've been restless in a number of jobs & it seems I'm only at peace when I'm working in a creative capacity!!!
I work with not-for-profit organizations and while this job is fulfilling and i do ultimately love what i do i have this aching to be at home sewing curtains, helping someone design wedding invitations, or just doing anything that i can stand back and see the final project and say wow, that looks darn lovely and i did it. i am doing something that i actually love to do just not what i want to do. i wish i could put to use all the creative energy flowing through my blood and do something i can be proud of. something that brings me ulitmate satisfaction. im probably the most selfish person on here, the work i do brings help and relief to thousands of families and i would still rather do something for me.
The more I read about your contemplations regarding your career..the more I just love you girl. I feel the exact same way. I have a masters in branding, and hate working in an office. I work at home, and my wallet suffers big time. But my husband saw how lifeless and useless I was wen I was working full time, and he prefers to have his wife back. I have really beat myself up about this, I tell myself that I am a silly ninny, that I am not a strong enough person, I should be able to be creative at 11pm after a full day, sitting in a windowless office...everyone else seems to do it...I actually got sick from working so much...and I had to have surgery from it...long story but it really happened that way. And now I know...do what makes you happy, every day, no matter what everyone else is doing...or get sick and be miserable. Our very best friends are a lawyer and an accountant, they work a lot, they are still passionate about their lives...how they do it? I don't know. But they sure aren't happier than we are :)
i am a photographer and currently work for a company, photographing their products. i tell myself all the time that i am grateful to have a job where i get to shoot everyday, but i really sit behind a computer most of the day and have very little interaction with others. i am really ready to start my own business photographing people and their families and their happiness (weddings, babies, engagements,etc). i miss interacting with new people and being creative. so, no, you're not alone or lazy. it's just difficult to get just the right mix of money, time, creativity and personal satisfaction out of a job and/or career.
-amy
http://627photography.blogspot.com/
I work in an office and get paid well to do so, if I do say so myself. And because of that contstant and sufficient income, my husband and I can travel and buy without too mush thought or sacrifice.
Maybe it's because I'm Type A, but I enjoy having a job that I go to work everyday, know what to expect, come home at the same time every night, and still get to enjoy my evenings and weekends. Structure is my thing.
Of course, if everyone were like me, I wouldn't have my lovely blogs to look at when I need a brain break, so, like you, I appreciate the diversity in what makes people happy when it comes to income/ occupation.
It's funny that you are posting this today as just one day ago I was asking myself these same questions. Granted, I think about it A LOT all of the time, but I did voice my thoughts to my boyfriend on Monday. I went to college for clothing design, and I never really loved the "design" part, but I loved to create and to sew. After college, as I discovered blogging, and the creative blog world, I really got into sewing and knitting. I love doing that more than anything. I even work in the sewing industry - but to be buying fabrics for women in their 60s and 70s isn't what I want to do forever. I sit at a desk all day, sure I get to see fabrics, but I don't get to do anything with them. But I think what is the hardest is doing the same thing day in and day out. I love to jump from one project to the next, it's how I stay interested. I definitely don't mind working hard on my projects and feel dedicated to do so, but after working an 8 hour day, sometimes I feel too tired. I constantly wonder if I would be creating like crazy if I had the day time to do it? Could I actually get a successful Etsy shop? But I get scared about supporting myself. I was raised to always think about things like health insurance, so it holds me back. Plus, with the economy the way it is, it would be crazy to quit a job. And, letting go of the security of a regular working job is scary - especially since I've been working since I was 16! I am so torn on this issue - at least I know there are others out there like me. I see many of the comments are voicing the same things! What are you going back to school for? I'd be interested to hear how you are changing your life for the better. Thanks for opening this up for comments, I think it helps many of us to see what others think as well.
I've been asking myself the exact same thing lately. Maybe it comes with the age? I feel like I'm having a quarter-life crisis. The last three years I've been doing what I thought was my passion. Truth be told, interior design was always my passion, I just never majored in it because I was afraid that it would be too hard to get a job after college. (Why did I think so realistically at 19??) I went into another creative career, but I've been regretting my decision lately. I've even looked into going back to school for interior design - but going through four + years all over again, spending all that money, and wasting my parent's gift of college the first time around is heartbreaking. I just wanted to let you know I'm dealing with the same internal conflict - but at least you are doing something about it!
I'm posting anonymously just in case my employer sees this!
For as long as I can remember, my only goal in life has been to write. My only dream is to write a book. So, I think I can sympathize - I don't want to sit in a cubicle, I don't want to do something from 9 to 5, and I definitely do not want to dislike my job. I have a major in French and specialization in translation, but it's hard for me to make the deadlines because I want to enjoy the book and ideas - not just put them into English. Ugh, it's a messy situation, but I guess we all have to live somehow!
Hi Whitney,
What a wonderful post, and it's so great you opened up this discussion. I have been having a similar struggle, and it's comforting to know so many of us are trying to answer the same question. I just recently graduated from grad school, and now have a ton ( A TON) of debt and my first official 9-5 job. My ultimate goal is to have my own consulting business someday (involving ecotourism and international development) so I can be my own boss and work on a project from start to finish, but right now I am not doing a job that allows me to gain the training/experience necessary to do that and I do feel really restless . . . I keep thinking I will volunteer on the side to get that experience, but then I won't have time for anything else. Although it's not my dream job I have to say it's nice to finally feel (after so long in school) that i am getting back on my feet, and not worried sick about money every second. I'm not sure what I will do in the future, I just know my two main goals right now are 1) to not get stuck in this job (it seems it happens to so many) because it's safe and 2) try to enjoy the moment more and make the most of every day (because I can totally see working so hard to get to my dream career and missing out on some really good times too)
Of course, I am in the same boat as you and I just entered the real work force as well, but I know you'll be fine whatever you do. I have just started reading your blog and am so impressed with your creativity and ingenuity. Please don't beat yourself up (i'm the same way) about how you feel about traditional american working culture. You're totally right, we work way too hard (and for what exactly?). I admire european cultures (with their 5 week vacation times) and mexican cultures (with their siestas).
I say GO FOR IT !
I think the 9 - 5 is a bit unnatural and exhausting. I love working, I love doing things, but I don't particularly like being stuck in an office for 9 hours straight. Although I think if I were allowed a couple of hours to nap every afternoon I might be much more compliant!
I can relate. Really, I think most people can relate to your recent blog post- which is why it is a good post to begin with (kudos). Good for you for being honest with yourself and your dismay. I feel like I'm writing to a younger version of myself; indeed I felt exactly the same way when I was 25 (I'm 28). I too came from an over educated sheltered background where my creative impulse was lauded, coddled and even revered to an absurd degree. What I've learned since then has taken me to a place of deeper peace and gratification in my work, my home life and sucess in my art. 1) I learned that it is illogical expect any job to be ideal. Most successful artists have to work for money. The Sistine Chapel was a commission. Joshua Tree was a just another record deal. 2) I learned that my concept of creativity was highly ego-driven. The departure from that notion and the investment in another idea- one where my creativity is not owned by me, but rather flows through me- has made me a less proprietary perfectionist. 3) I learned that I am in charge of making naptime happen. That is to say, I have the responsibility to carve out time for balance and inspiration. For me this includes 30min. writing sessions every single morning, weekly inspiration dates with myself where I let myself explore and reflect. 4) I am in charge of keeping myself emotionally fed. I've learned not to take anything personally at work. It is a waste of time. 5) Finally, I've learned that to have a good life, I have to stop worrying and expecting so much, but instead use my creativity to reinvent every single day. My creativity continues to grow outward like a seedling (a branch here, a twig there) and though it is not always clear what it is becoming, shape is forming. By 28 or 29 I think you begin to recognize what kind of a tree you're dealing with. Do I fail miserably at this from time to time? Absolutely. Do I coach myself, encourage myself and hold myself accountable for the sake of my sanity? Nobody else is going to.
amen!
everything you just said is exactly what i was dealing with last year!
at a desk all day, in a windowless office, get there when it's early & dark, leave when it's late & dark, and it never ends! ugh. you nailed it.
i am so glad to hear that i am not the only one who struggles with this picture.
it's not fulfilling in the least, is it?
hoping you find a wonderful & creatively-satisfying alternative,
summer
great post, and great responses. this really touches a nerve for so many people, doesn't it?
one of the problems with 9-5 jobs i have had is that they are rarely 9-5 - more like 9-6, 7, 8, etc ... sometimes with lunch, sometimes without, and usually with scant vacation days. If you are trying to fit creative things into your downtime, having your days eroded like that is unbearable.
After a lot of planning, I left the world of 9-5 last year, hopefully for good. It's been hard, but coping with the anxieties of unstructured time and uncertain (and smaller) paychecks and explaining my unconventional life is much easier for me than trying to fit into an alien world of contrived deadlines and corporate behavior and empty goals. I always liked the people I worked with, and I miss that interaction, but my soul couldn't breathe. I just think some of us have to find our own way. It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile is easy, right?